Through this journey I have learned so many things.  I would often think as the weight was coming off “What will happen when I reach my ideal weight?  What is my ideal weight?  How do I maintain it, will I be able to keep it off? What do I eat?”  It would stress me out to the point of not allowing myself to indulge or give in to not being up to par in a workout.

I still struggle with this today.  I have no idea if I am done.  As these thoughts run through my mind I come back to “What does it matter if I am at my ideal weight? Who am I going to allow to tell me what I have to weigh? Am I still staying true to the lifestyle change I made?”  Here are my answers: My ideal weight is whatever happens to be when my body will no longer lose weight. I will not let a chart or person tell me what I have to weigh.  Yes, I am.  I am choosing to stick with eating healthy whenever possible, still going to the gym and keeping my focus on how happy this makes me.  I will take each day like I have taken everyday in the past, taking care of today and tomorrow when it gets here.

Am I happy everyday?  Happy yes…but lets be honest, I have my moments where life takes a twist and leaves me completely frantic.  Not food, not workouts…emotions.  Sometimes adrenaline runs so high that sometimes I get too extreme.  I have more energy than I know what to do with sometimes.    This winter has been rough on me.  We’ve had in my opinion way too much snow and it has been so cold way too often.  I admit, I am a whiner!  I love being outside! We haven’t been able to be out for longer than running from house to buildings to cars in four months! This isn’t Alaska! Sheesh.

Another of my struggles: adapting from losing weight rapidly to not losing at all.  In the past 5 months I fluctuate up two pounds down two pounds weekly.  I have been concentrating on strength training and cardio only.  I still keep within my calories, but have been making sure I am eating enough on the days where my body has burned an extreme amount.  I watch my body for signs.  If I am feeling tired I know I need to get some protein.    I always pick protein so that my body knows it can burn that and not store it.  If I eat too many carbs for snacks, lunch etc, if I am not eating enough my body will store the sugar from those carbs and retain it for water.  This will show a gain.  I would love to tell everyone that when you are thin all your problems are solved and you can eat what ever you want.  So sorry, but it hasn’t been that way for me.  This will never stop and I have to be okay with it.

This is a new quirk for me.  During a lot of my classes while the instructors are counting, once they get to the last 5 or 10 reps, seconds or whatever my mind just says “okay you’re done, you can stop”.  It’s the hardest part of the entire run! I don’t understand it.  Before I was so motivated that those last few seconds/reps I would work my hardest to get that last bit of effort in! What the heck is wrong with me?  Very frustrating.  So if you have a tip for me on this please let me know! Hopefully it’s just a phase I am going through.

I receive compliments from people pretty frequently.  It’s really humbling for me and I worry about my responses to people.  I say thank you over and over again.  I feel like I should respond differently.  Their compliment is a gift in my eyes.  It’s one I carry with me for the days or moments when I feel discouraged.  It shouldn’t matter what people think of you, but it’s not that.  It’s knowing people have your back and support they give.   This is hard and they acknowledge it, encouraging me just by one comment keeps my confidence up to keep going when it’s so easy to tell yourself you’re not doing enough.  Words are so powerful, they build and tear down.  Please know if you have complimented me, the thank you I respond with is the biggest thank you ever given.  Like to moon and back!