My Support System

I’d like to start this entry off by saying, I am one blessed woman!

When I started this journey my husband was encouraging from day one.  Don’t get me wrong several other people where just as supportive.  He was with me everyday.  I couldn’t have done this with out him.  I would have quit because my mind was telling me I couldn’t do it.  He was there for me to express how bad my days were, how I hurt from workouts and just how hungry I was.  Basically, he was my complaint pillow.  He would keep telling me I was doing a great job, reinforcing just how much he was impressed I was doing this.   Taking an active interest in what I was doing at the gym.  No complaints on the dinners I chose to cook or places we had to eat at.  If I needed anything, he would find a way to make it happen! He still does!

Wedding Photo 1995

We have been married for 19 years.  I was 19 when we were married.  So this year I will have been with him longer than I was with my own parents.  Surreal thought! As I have said I’ve struggled with weight since childhood.  When I met my husband I wasn’t a small person, but I wasn’t heavy either.  J has always told me that I am beautiful.  Size never mattered to him.  The only thing I think he would say was I had an attitude problem once in while.  Haha.  Don’t we all!  Our marriage wasn’t perfect, there’s no such thing as perfection! (In my opinion).  Weight had come on so fast for me after we had been married for a year.  I gained 50lbs in a year.  Of course my doctor was questioning what had happened.  Well, a few things birth control, not knowing how to cook and eating out.  My husband God love him, isn’t the greatest at cooking.  If it comes out of box he’s very successful, grilling no problem. So most of the foods we were eating were processed, frozen or fast food.  It was what we could afford and I could cook with out much knowledge.  So weight packed on.  On him, no.  Just me.  Men seemed to have a lot of things easier than women.  Sorry guys, but it’s true.  They can consume massive amounts of fat or high calories, they burp…1200 calories gone! Just kidding!  They have a faster metabolism, I haven’t quite done the research as to why that is, fair or not it’s something to recognize.  So of course I was aware of the weight I was putting on, but J never said anything.  He never told me to lose weight.  Looking back he now says, I just didn’t realize how big you were.  Neither did I.

Vacation 1998

We took a vacation to the Smokey Mountains.  Biking, hiking and camping.  We would have went horse back riding, but the weight limit on the horse was 250lbs.  I couldn’t ride, because my weight was at 280lbs. Hiking one of the smalls trails which was about 1.5 miles, was extremely hard.  I barely made it, it took us 4 hours. I couldn’t breathe.  It was a fun vacation, but physically I didn’t handle it well.

We decided to try to have a family after five years.  I never had any problems with weight being an obstacle to get pregnant.  However, with my first I was put on bed rest at 6 1/2 months with pre-term labor.  I am not sure if this was due to the weight or just my body not handling the stress pregnancy was taking.  I worked full time until my son was about 5 months old.  I decided to stay home and have been home since.  My weight continued to rise, sometimes I would try to watch what I was eating but it never seemed to last.  We had our second son about 22 months after our first.  We didn’t own a scale so I had no clue as to what I weighed.  I just know that the size pants I wore were a 26.

My mom and I decided to start working out at Curves.  She has always tried to help me lose weight.  We have been on weight watchers and Curves diets together.  A lot of the knowledge of choosing foods has come from her.  She was the best partner to have because she was my first best friend and my cheerleader. She too has struggled with weight issues her entire life.  I lasted a year and in that year I think I may have lost around 75 pounds.  I felt pretty good about that,  I got pregnant with my daughter. I did pretty well after she was born until my boys got involved in sports.  Running here, running there caused me to not take time to workout or worry about what we were eating.  My husband and all of my kids have fast metabolisms and never had to worry about what they were eating.  Our dinners have always been consistent, but lunches and breakfast were processed foods or sugary options.  Unfortunately my body type is not one that can do without making healthy choices.

Through all of this crazy life I have been given a man who loves me no matter what.  That is not an easy job to have! He puts up with a lot!  He picks me up at my lowest points.  Nothing is more comforting than when you are absolutely just lost or feeling like a failure, to have someone wrap their arms around you and tell you everything is going to be okay.  I believe in him, he believes in me.  No matter what my weight was, he was there.  It’s the way it’s supposed to be right? Well, I look back now and think just how much my weight had affected certain things, I wish I could go back and  change some.  But I don’t think our marriage would be as strong as it is today.  Sometimes those bad times you go through really make the bright spots shine brighter.  You learn to work together through tough moments and when you’re faced with even tougher moments you forge through.  Well, enough with marriage counseling.  I just want give you all an idea of how wonderful my husband is!

I am the home manager and he is the money provider.  If it concerns the home and kids it is my responsibility.  I have made sure to always take on the things that he couldn’t be there for.  It gets frustrating at times because of conflicts of trying to be in two different places at once, we work it out.  I can be pretty bossy, he puts up with it.  I don’t know how, but he does.  I don’t tell him enough how much I appreciate him.  But I hope I show him in the things that I do.  Staying home all this time I have made sure my family has clean home to live in, has a cheerleader in all of their activities, makes breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Clean clothes on their backs, nursed them back to health and  to make sure they all knew they were loved by me.  In all of this some how we’ve kept it together.

Our 19th Anniversary Nov 2014

Through this journey we have really learned a lot about each other.  Even though we have been best friends for years, my husband has learned to read me very well.  He knows I get stressed about bills or money, he takes it on.  Finds a way to get us out of a pickle. He never lets me feel bad about myself.  Days when I would feel unattractive or just plain fat he would tell me, I was amazing.  Takes me to a mirror when ever we pass one and made me see the changes I was making.  He loves to take me shopping, picks things out I would never pick myself, convinces me to try them on.  I am always shocked at what I can pull off.  I was always the type to wear loose bagging clothing to hide the rolls.  He’s helped me see things that are no longer there.  Taking pictures from different angles so I could see the changes.  It’s not that I cared what other people saw, I cared what I would see something I didn’t like.  Of course he is enjoying the difference in the clothes as much as I am, but I don’t think he realizes just how much this has helped me feel more loved by him.  It’s not the materialistic side of different clothes. Have you ever had some look at you in a completely different way?  When he sees me in something he really likes his eyes shine and he’ll say, that, we’re getting that! It’s look of complete adornment.  It makes me happy that I make him feel this.  He makes me believe in myself.

He never comments on anything I eat.  As I’ve said in the past stress would make me eat.  Because of the work I have done on myself this is no longer the case.  I still have stress, it’s still the same things.  I have changed the way I have handled it.  He’s always there to tell me how we’ll deal with it and we go on.  I just had to believe it.  It must have been so frustrating for him to watch, when all I had to do was give up bad food and take care of myself.  He never said anything and just tried to make me happy.

I lost this weight for myself, but I really didn’t realize how much better life for others would be.  It’s not that my husband does more for me now, it’s that I see it clearly.  I didn’t love myself before, because I felt so bad about myself.  He has opened my mind to see what he’s been saying this whole time.  He loves me no matter what. Him showing me in mirrors, pictures and things from my past has been instrumental in my success. The more I experience, the more I like about myself.  Our life is positive, not perfect.  Our life is much easier when both of us keep looking for the positive in each other.

Feeling better about yourself makes you feel like you can do anything! In turn, that makes people gravitate towards you because they believe in you.  Be amazing because you can! Your family benefits from it just as much as you.  I never knew the support that I would receive from my husband.  I am sure all guys are like this, but sometimes they don’t even know how much little comments here and there can make so much of a difference.

I know most people out there are trying to lose weight.  A support system is key.  I relied on myself for most of this, but having someone to come to when things got to be overwhelming was just exactly what I needed.  You can’t always see the changes right away.  It takes a while! Especially when you are like me and only see the things you want to change.  Just know when you start seeing the changes, someone who is on the outside has seen them first.

If I could give advice to couples out there that have weight issues in their homes it would be this: Support them.  Don’t push them. We all love our spouses unconditionally, but if you push you’re telling them they aren’t loved unconditionally.  When your spouse is ready to do something about it, they will.  Support them by making it easy with schedules, being completely open to changing food habits or taking on a little more responsibility to give them time to deal with this.  No better gift that could be given would be to know someone has your back.  I was lucky, I don’t work outside my home so I could fit my gym time in every morning when the kids are in school.  It helped me know that everyone was taken care of and I could just concentrate on my workouts.  If your spouse works outside the home, figure out a time when you can back them up to get them to the gym and deal with kids, dinner or whatever.  If you both are concentrating on losing the weight, find a Y or gym that has a daycare.  Keep each other motivated to have some parents time.  Kids are flexible.  My daughter knows this is important to me, so she has adapted to going on holidays with me to the gym.

If you are single and trying to lose weight, get in classes.  You’ll find so many people who are fighting the same fight you are.  Everyone is in some sort of journey.  All are going to the same goal. You need to learn to love yourself so you can show someone else just how love-able you are!

Thank you for reading! Thank you to all my supporters!